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  • Writer's pictureJeff Davis

How Important Is Sex to Your Dating Relationship?

There are those who believe that sex is the focus point of their relationship. Some men won't engage in a relationship with a woman unless sex is on the table. Some women feel that the only way to know a man cares is to share her bed with him. It is the physical benefits of a night of passionate lovemaking many that date long for.



This creates pressure on the relationship. When people first start dating they don't know anything about the other person. Sex is such an intimate relationship it is hard to please a stranger on a deep level. You have to get to know their likes and dislikes and they need to learn yours. It takes time and typically more than a one night stand to come away with a perspective about someone.


Maybe they like to kiss. It could be a massage, a foot rub or even ice cream late at night watching a love story. People are as different as they come and unless you spend time it is nearly impossible to discover what someone likes and doesn't like without time.

For years I have counseled couples to abstain from having sex too soon. More than once I have observed people who may have had a chance at a long term relationship blow it because they had sex too early.


There is no denying the physical attraction that can exist between a man and woman when they first meet. But it is best to pull those feelings in and bask in the presence of this new friend. The sexual tension can be a good thing when you are looking to build a lasting relationship. Why? Anticipation can be a wonderful aphrodisiac.


It is hard to tell dating people that they should abstain from having sex too early. The pressures of life, the feeling of being alone and the good feeling of intimacy are all solved by sex. How do you tell someone to deny the pleasures of sex when it is readily available? If a married person tried that you end up hearing "you have someone to go home to and cuddle up with."


Still, waiting can be best. When you date, focus on getting to know the other person better. See if you like what they have to offer and if you will be a match. I know some people are not looking for a relationship so if all you want is company for the night make sure the person you are dating knows you have short term intentions.

Make dating fun!

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